KBR Horse Training Information

Exercising Body AND Mind

A Little More Perspective

The cool part about the horse business is that someone always pops up with a twisted sense of humor. I received the following counter culture response to "Let me Teach You." This parody was located by Mary Green. (Come on, Mary, we have a sense of humor here. If you know who wrote this, please let us know so we can credit the creativity!)
(You can click the pictures)

I'll Larn Ya

When you are tense, let me teach you that there are lions in the woods, and we need to leave NOW.

When you are short tempered, let me teach you how to slog around the pasture for an hour before you can catch me.

When you are short sighted, let me teach you to figure out where, exactly, in 40 acres I am hiding.

When you are quick to react, let me teach you that herbivores kick MUCH faster than omnivores.

When you are angry, let me teach you how well I can stand on my hind feet, because I don't FEEL like cantering on my right lead today, that's why.

When you are worried, let me entertain you with my mystery lameness, GI complaint, skin disease.

When you feel superior, let me teach you that, mostly, you are the maid service.

When you are self absorbed, let me teach you to PAY ATTENTION. I TOLD you about those lions in the woods.

When you are arrogant, let me teach you what 1200 lbs of YAHOO-let's-go event horse can do when suitably inspired.

When you are lonely, let me be your companion. Let's do lunch. Also breakfast and dinner.

When you are tired, don't forget the 600 lbs of grain that needs to be unloaded.

When you are feeling financially secure, let me teach you the meaning of "Veterinary Services, additional".

When you need to learn, hang around, bud. I'll larn ya.

Mary Green (?)
1999

Then Dawn Richards added a few more lines...

When you feel superior, let me teach you that I can dump you.

When you are self absorbed, let me teach you that I can dump you.

When you are arrogant, let me teach you that I can dump you.

When you are lonely, let me be your companion. After all, who the hell else will want to hang around a human that reeks of horse urine, has manure on her shoes, and hay in her hair?

(These must not have been clicker trained horses.)

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KBR Horse Training Information, © 1997 Lamm's Kickin' Back Ranch and Willis & Sharon Lamm. All rights reserved. Duplication of any of this material for commercial use is prohibited without express written permission. This prohibition is not intended to extend to personal non-commercial use, including sharing with others for safety and learning purposes, provided this copyright notice is attached.
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